I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
