i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Are my feet made of real feet?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
