Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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