Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
