he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
