i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Randomize
