I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
