idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
