my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
