I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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