If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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