Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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