Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
