this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
