When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
