i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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