dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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