I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
