its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
