life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.