the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
