Texts From Last Night

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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.

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  (612): we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life. http://tfl.nu/eg8c
  Replies (15) Good night (4688) Bad night (606)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.

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  (410): He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot. http://tfl.nu/qo51
  Replies (16) Good night (1165) Bad night (4945)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach

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  (774): Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach http://tfl.nu/gl5r
  Replies (3) Good night (4321) Bad night (872)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.

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  (618): Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this. http://tfl.nu/flrg
  Replies (7) Good night (1446) Bad night (3242)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer

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  (267): Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer http://tfl.nu/2v54
  Replies (26) Good night (4771) Bad night (1121)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.

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  (563): I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay. http://tfl.nu/8krm
  Replies (3) Good night (847) Bad night (2767)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.

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  (336): Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car. http://tfl.nu/8ezv
  Replies (11) Good night (1892) Bad night (916)
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  (530): View more from California

  TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.

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  (530): TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG. http://tfl.nu/gtt9
  Replies (6) Good night (2534) Bad night (842)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.

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  (562): Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real. http://tfl.nu/tp53
  Replies (8) Good night (1894) Bad night (967)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted

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  (402): Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted http://tfl.nu/8l0y
  Replies (6) Good night (1428) Bad night (461)
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  (925): View more from California

  I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great

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  (925): I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great http://tfl.nu/slai
  Replies (1) Good night (651) Bad night (773)
• Favorite

  (806): View more from Texas

  Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.

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  (806): Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times. http://tfl.nu/evhw
  Replies (9) Good night (943) Bad night (337)
• Favorite

  (708): View more from Illinois

  In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???

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  (708): In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog??? http://tfl.nu/uupj
  Replies (1) Good night (413) Bad night (227)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.

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  (315): I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse. http://tfl.nu/rzpq
  Replies (6) Good night (683) Bad night (224)
• Favorite

  (810): View more from Michigan

  My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.

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  (810): My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures. http://tfl.nu/8ycu
  Replies (1) Good night (705) Bad night (210)

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