farters have to be the big spoon...
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dating After Heartbreak
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.