Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
thus making me awesome and them whores
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus