Texts From Last Night

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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk

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  (662): Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning (780): I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk http://tfl.nu/o2k0
  Replies (17) Good night (2683) Bad night (1042)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."

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  (407): I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me." http://tfl.nu/vao0
  Replies (16) Good night (3310) Bad night (1123)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you

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  (506): cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you http://tfl.nu/iu0p
  Replies (21) Good night (5370) Bad night (1107)
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  (567): View more from Ohio

  i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style

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  (567): i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style http://tfl.nu/1r2g
  Replies (24) Good night (1754) Bad night (4924)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?

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  (250): Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila? http://tfl.nu/i07w
  Replies (7) Good night (1842) Bad night (810)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal

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  (815): No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal http://tfl.nu/8ycn
  Replies (4) Good night (1369) Bad night (952)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?

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  (815): Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers? http://tfl.nu/gqlt
  Replies (9) Good night (2609) Bad night (1352)
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  (716): View more from New York

  i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.

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  (716): i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man. http://tfl.nu/v8cz
  Replies (6) Good night (2129) Bad night (920)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?

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  (636): Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown? http://tfl.nu/ay3b
  Replies (4) Good night (1550) Bad night (574)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid

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  (814): its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid http://tfl.nu/32bb
  Replies (2) Good night (814) Bad night (314)
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  (805): View more from California

  the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick

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  (805): the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick http://tfl.nu/e696
  Replies (6) Good night (789) Bad night (381)
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  (415): View more from California

  LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.

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  (415): LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking. http://tfl.nu/5t1f
  Replies (10) Good night (413) Bad night (2134)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice

  (623): View more from Arizona

  You suck, She hit so hard.

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  (602): I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice (623): You suck, She hit so hard. http://tfl.nu/fozp
  Replies (0) Good night (373) Bad night (644)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.

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  (443): I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up. http://tfl.nu/vhgn
  Replies (1) Good night (781) Bad night (259)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.

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  (479): I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself. http://tfl.nu/jsbo
  Replies (1) Good night (461) Bad night (241)

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