shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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