I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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