My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
