i wish my penis had a tongue
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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