How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
it was like his penis was on wheels.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
