you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
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After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize