The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
