you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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