found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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