I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
