i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
