you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
