well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i love accidental penises.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Dicks are not precious.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
