All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
