I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
