I'm laying in your front yard are you home
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
false alarm. still invincible.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize