pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
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You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
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I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10