im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.