Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.