I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?