Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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