After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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