Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
