Christians are straight up FREAKS
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
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