the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
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