man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
