Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
