I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
