I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
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Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
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So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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