I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I touched a dick in church today
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
