I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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