guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
