Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
