I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
