he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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