So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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