I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
