My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
