I got her a Nickelback box set.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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