Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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