It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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