cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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