ugly people sure do ruin things
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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