Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
